Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
