But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
