Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
