There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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