So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My penis needs a shock collar
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
