It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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