i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
