I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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