i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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