I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
