Me. At least after what I've been through.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
