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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
