Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
