So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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