I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
