please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
