Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
