i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
