The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
