So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
