What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
