So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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