If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
