i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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