think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
