I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
