took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
