Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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