Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The air was thick with penises
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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