I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
