Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
