If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
