I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
