He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
