When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my liver is dry heaving
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
