Its about making memories worth repressing
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
