the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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