Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
