I will die if light touches me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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