roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
