I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
