so explain again why im purple
no
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
