Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
