i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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