I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
