I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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