a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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