So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
