Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
