; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
