I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
