I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
